For anyone that needs to hear this...Parenting is FREAKING hard!

Ok, it's time to get real, folks.  

Do you have that friend or that family member that clearly lives the perfect life on Facebook and Instagram?  I'm sure you do.  The one with multiple kids.  Their toddlers are always working on some kind of STEM project.  Art is an every day thing.  Bonding is easy, along with breastfeeding, bedtime, naptime, every time.  Everyone is smiling and happy and #Blessed. 

Yeah...you know that friend.  Maybe you have more than 1.  

I am here to tell you...your friend is a big fat lying liar!  

Smoke and Mirrors!  That's all it is!!!  Because parenting is mother effing hard!!!

Imagine that, for the next 18 years, you would have to run a marathon every single day. 

That would be easier than being a parent. 

Imagine that you had to come up with a vaccine for Covid-19 in less than a year. 

Easier than being a parent. 

Imagine kicking off a space program and getting to the moon within 9 years. 

HA!  Try raising children! 

Seriously, folks.  Take a deep breath and pat yourself on the back.  Ask yourself the following questions: 

1. Have I forgotten to feed my child for more than 24 hours?  
2. Has my child fallen into the Grand Canyon? 
3. Has my child opened fire on any human beings? 
4. Is my child named Chad? 
5. Is my child actively trying to undermine American Democracy? 
6. Has my child ever passed up the opportunity to eat bacon? 
7. Does my child think cheerleading is a sport? 
8. Does my child say "I could care less?"
9. Does my child enjoy movies staring Ashton Kutcher? 
10. Have I ever left my child with a stranger for more than 4 hours? 

If you have answered no to all of these questions, you are doing just fine.  

Even if you have occasionally felt like putting your fist in a wall, that's ok!  Kids will create those feeling in their parents.  Maybe try to not actually put your fist through said wall...but, the feelings are understandable. 

Even if you feel like you just want to hop on an airplane and fly to a secluded place in Alaska where you don't have to look at or hear a single member of your family!  That's ok, too.  Heck...it might even be a good idea.  But, it doesn't make you a bad parent.  

Even if your darling child wakes you at 4 in the morning and you just want to look into his beautiful eyes and say, "DAMMIT IT'S SATURDAY AND I HAVEN'T GOTTEN 8 HOURS OF SLEEP IN 4 YEARS AND WILL YOU JUST GO AWAY!!!"  This is also completely normal. 

Parenting is hard in a regular year.  When playgrounds and movie theatres and zoos and parks and grandma's house are all open.  Take those away, throw in a nice little dose of "pandemic" and it makes an already overly trying experience all the more impossible.  

So, you know what.  You're doing just fine.  And, if you're not...if you're struggling, that's nothing to be ashamed of.  Because we all are.  Even Little Miss Perfect Life on Instagram.  Know your limits.  Know when to ask for help.  Know when to step away and let your husband or wife take over for a bit.  And if he/she is struggling, then it might be your turn to step up for a bit.  

Or, if you can, phone a friend!  Hand those little angels off for a bit.  Make sure it's someone in your Covid bubble because, you know, pandemic and all.  But, this is one area where Hillary was right.  It takes a village.  Lean on your village.  

You got this!  I got this!  We all got this!!!  And we're doing just fine! 

 

2019 highlights!

Life, as always, was very blessed in 2019.  Here are some highlights!!

January

Nothing really happened in January.  So, here's a picture of Owen with his Moses stick. 

February

Kimmy and I took kidless vacation.  A 10! day cruise of the Caribbean. I hope we can do it again sometime.  I love this woman!  

March

Desmond's 4th Grade Volleyball team finished the season UNDEFEATED! 

And, I got to finally see my Zags play in the NCAA tournament!  They won the first game but lost the second.  Oh, well...there's always THIS YEAR!

April

Owen befriended the neighborhood squirrels.

We visited the parental units and said goodbye to a Lake Havasu landmark.

May

I joined a Beach Volleyball team!  We got our asses kicked by 20somethings.  But, we had a great time!  And, I didn't die! 

Kimmy got to meet Laura, one of my 13 favorite cousins!!!

Lots of visitors this month as we had 3 grandparents here at once!

June

Desmond's school choir got to sing the National Anthem at a Mariners Game. 

Which meant Owen got to attend his very first pro ball game!

July

Desmond completed one of his biggest Lego sets...an award from Dad and Bonus Mom for finishing the year with Straight As

He also performed as one of the Sailors in a summer production of Mary Poppins. 

In the meantime, Owen found his own performance style. 

August

Kim and I split up to tackle 2 sets of Grandparents.  Kim and Owen went to visit G&G Romine. 

And Desmond and I went to went to Lake Havasu to visit G&G Pankow where I proceeded to take zero pictures of the Grandparents, apparently. 

AND...Desmond and I got to schmooz with Weird Al!

We wrapped up the month by taking the boys and Desmond's BFF to Great Wolf Lodge.

September

I left my job at Google and started a new role at Alaska Airlines.  But, we had to hit the Google arcade one last time. 

(Desmond is still unhappy with my decision)

The boys started the new school year!

Kim finally partook in my Seahawks season tickets!

We made a bunch of new friends while drinking and raising money for Providence Mt. Saint Vincent. 

(That guy waving...his name is Kevin!  Actually, it isn't.  But, that's what I called him all night.)

And...Desmond and I climbed the Space Needle for the 2nd time raising $1300 for Fred Hutch!

October

Check out our super cute family photos!

November

Kimmy took me to my favorite sushi place for my birthday (it's becoming a tradition)

And she ate squid. :-) 

Owen got promoted to "Big Boy Bed!"

Desmond and the 5th Graders at OLG got to host Grandma and many others at the Over 65 luncheon. 

And Desmond learned to do Improv!

December

Owen started soccer at Lil Kickers with his school buddy, Scarlett

We got this crazy dog! 

Desmond and I took a big boys trip to Disneyland. 

And Desmond FINALLY went down Splash Mountain!!!

(I told him there would be a camera so he had to make a great face.  After I saw the picture, I asked, "Was that face your fake pose or was that real terror?"  He said, "Maybe a little of both.")

And...we did Christmas in our matching jammies. 

All in all, a good year!  Sure, the Mariners are still terrible, the Game of Thrones finale was a huge letdown and Jennifer Lawrence has still not returned any of my phone calls.  But, damn...I love this little family of mine.  

Peace be with you!  Let's go nail 2020!!! 

Babies are hard

You know those new parents that post all these lovely things on Facebook talking about how amazing their perfect little newborn is and how amazing it is to be a parent and how beautiful and amazing life is?

Those people are dirty liars.

Babies are effing hard.  Like, really really hard.

One of my biggest fears in going back into this whole parenting thing was the infant stage.  In the grand scheme of babies, Desmond was pretty easy.  I know this.  But...that never meant that I LOVED being a new parent.  I loved Desmond, for sure!  And, I love Opie.  But, dayam if I didn't often wonder why I gave up my cushy life for one that involves a baby.

Well, here we are again.  Mr. Owen Francis.

Thank the Lord God above for programming our bodies with an unconditional love for our offspring.  Because, if we didn't have that, I would be trying to trade this kid in for one of Beyoncé's babies, or something.  He is not an easy baby.

This kid NEVER sleeps.  Like, ever.  He takes, maybe, 2 or 3 ten minute naps throughout the day.  I know that kids fight sleep.  But, this kid is a black belt.  And, in order to keep him from melting down from tiredness, you have to hold him while standing up and bouncing him.  Don't ever put him in a sitting position.  He won't like that and he'll cry.  Don't walk around without bouncing him.  He won't like that and he'll cry.  Don't, under any circumstances, put him down.  He won't like that and he'll cry.

I'm feeling for Kim a lot.  I work during the day.  Kim is an amazing woman.  If I say I want her to sleep downstairs some night so she can rest, she refuses.  She says, "You have to go to work all day."
I recently acknowledged to her that my job is easier.  I have a routine.  I know what I am doing.  Any curveball I am thrown I have typically experienced before and can adjust.  None if this is true with a newborn.  Not to mention a newborn who is almost never happy.

I have to remind myself that we're only 2 months in.  He's still itty bitty.  But, then I instead end up reminding myself that we are a LONG way from 18 years old.

I am currently writing this at 10:30.  I am beat ass tired.  Kim is already in bed (hopefully) getting some sleep.  I could easily crash right here and now.  But...I am on the first shift tonight.  I HATE falling asleep and having the baby wake me up 15 minutes later.  I would rather just stay up, take care of him when he wakes and then crash for 4 or 5 hours after that.  Kim takes the next shift.

But, when I do this, when I stay up, the dude doesn't wake up until midnight.  Last night, I stayed up until midnight before finally going to bed.  He woke up at 12:30.

Oh...how funny.  Just as I typed that, he has started to peep.  Maybe I'll get to bed early.  Night, all!

Good thing he's cute.

Jimmy Kimmel Tells a Story...

Last night, Jimmy Kimmel told the story of his newborn son's birth and heart disease.  It was a touching story.  He clarifies at the beginning that the story has a happy ending, so hang in there.  But, it's certainly a tear jerker.

I consider us blessed that Desmond was born perfectly healthy.  And, I pray every night that the same will be the case with Owen.  While I have never been through anything so terrifying as a parent, I can feel the emotions as Jimmy shares what they went through.

I might be a little obsessed - OR - Graphic Tees for Babies

So, I may have become a little obsessed.  And, my obsession is with baby clothes.  You know, the whole, "Oh my goodness, this is sooooo cute," gushiness that I hear from women anytime they see tiny baby shoes or something.

But, alas...mine is much more specific.  You see, babies have their own version of the graphic tee.  Something that, if you know me, you know that I love.

Now, I am not the oogly boogly mushy gushy type.  Even when Desmond was little, while I knew my kid was adorable, you would never hear me be all like, "OMG, he is sooooo cute!  Look how cute he is!!!"  And, I especially never did that with clothing.

But then I see something like this:

I mean, COME ON!  It's got R2D2 on it and it says R2 Doo Doo!  Cuz babies poop a lot!  Get it!

Or, what about this one:

It's got the Gold and Crimson of Griffindor AND Snuggle this Muggle totally rhymes!  And, with the hat.  OMG!!!

Finally...what about this:

It's Snoop Dog, yo!  Except, instead of Money, it's Mommy!  Get it!  It's a play on words!!!

Whatever...I do what I want. 

I have, of course, purchased all of these.  And there are others.  There's a super cute Yoda hat with ears that I am excited to put on him.  He's gonna look so awesome!  

Our Baby Registry!

Here it is!

https://www.babylist.com/kim-pankow

Oh, and I just learned that the nursery colors are Navy, Grey, Mint and White.

This registry is important for a few reasons. One...when people ask, what do you need, we can send them here!

Also...when certain people *cough*grandma*cough* discover an adorable little baby safe lava lamp or a collection of Elmo In Grouchland collector edition lithographs, we can point them to this and say, "We only need stuff on our list, please."

Poor Kim.  Kim doesn't like "stuff."  She doesn't like clutter of any kind.  She says her goal is to have a "minimalist baby."

I responded with "HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

So far, I have purchased a onesie set in Griffindor colors that says "Snuggle This Muggle," another with a Stormtrooper logo that says "Storm Pooper."  And a knit greet hat with Yoda ears.  Kid needs to stay warm, right?

Almost had it...

This morning, Desmond was super proud of himself.  He barges into my room as I am finishing getting myself ready to work.

He finished his breakfast, got his uniform on, brushed his teeth, prepped his backpack, put on his shoes and was 100% ready to go!  Normally, I am rushing him to finish after I am done getting ready.  However, today, he did everything and still had about 15 mins to spare before we had to leave.

Then...about 25ish minutes later as I dropped him off at school:

"Um, Dad...did you get my backpack?"

First Reconciliation - My how things have changed

Next month, Desmond will celebrate his first Reconciliation at Our Lady of Guadalupe.

One of the advantages of attending Catholic school is that this is all part of the curriculum.  We don't need to send him to special CCD classes.  There are a few additional Sunday meetings, but it's a drop in the bucket compared to the years of after school sessions my mom sent me to.

A part of Desmond's journey that I have enjoyed, however, is the parental involvement.  I honestly don't remember if my parents were involved in my first sacraments (outside of baptism, obviously) in the way that the Church is making us participate.  But, I have been grateful for the experience and the refreshers.  At first, I may have groaned a bit (UGH...I already did all this 25 years ago!).  But, I have actually found it pretty enlightening.

Mostly in regards to how Confession/Reconciliation has changed.

Or...rather, how it should have been at Our Lady of the Lake when I was growing up.  Turns out a lot of these "changes" that I am enjoying were part of Vatican II.  But, apparently the memo didn't get to Lake Havasu City.

Here's how I remember Confession.

You would stand in a line outside the room with a bunch of other people, silently tracking how long the people before you were in there.  At Our Lady of the Lake, the confessional was a small room, not like the "box" that you see at many churches.  It was dimly lit.  There was a screen with a kneeler.  There was also a chair across from the priest.  There was no screen in front of the chair.

Here's the thing.  I happened to have a pretty good relationship with my priests when I was young.  Fr. Rudy and Fr. Greg.  See, I was an alter server, I taught CCD classes to Kindergartners, I was a Eucharistic minister in my high school and college years, and I think I even joined the choir for a bit.  I had a particularly good relationship with Fr. Rudy.  The point is, they knew who I was, they knew my parents, the knew my grandparents.  For some reason, I felt like I had to sit in the chair facing the priest.  Although, there was one time that I used the screen.  Fr. Greg was on the other side.  About half way through my confession he says, "Is this Jason?"

 So, when you are 8 or 10 or 13 or 16 or, frankly, even 39...sitting across from someone you admire and who you want to think highly of you and telling them about all the things you did wrong...that's not really fun.  In fact, I hated doing it every single time.

And, I was one of the good kids!  In the grand scheme of ways kids can get in trouble, I was pretty lame.  I am pretty darn confident that I didn't have any "sins" to offer any priest that they haven't heard a bazillion times before.

Still...sitting across from Fr. Rudy and telling him that I said bad words (oh boy did I say bad words) or that I lied to my parents or that *GASP* I watched one of those late night nudie shows on Showtime...that S-U-C-K-E-D!  And, candidly, I think it scarred me a bit for confession.  Because I don't go anymore.  Not on an individual basis, at least.  I go to the congregational confession when it's held.  This is when the priest holds a confessional service.  As a parish, we ask forgiveness for our sins, pray and are absolved of our sins.  No one on one where I spew out everything I'm ashamed of.

Fr. Jack, my current pastor, is the greatest priest I have ever had.  He's a wonderful man who teaches the ways of Jesus in a way that focuses on love, forgiveness, service and grace...not in the "do this or your going to hell" way that so many other pastors focus on.  I have often told Fr. Jack that he sounds like a Jesuit.  His response is "I have been accused of that many times."  I have zero desire to show him what's behind the curtain.

So, back to what I have learned from working with Desmond on Reconciliation.

First of all...it's called Reconciliation, not Confession.  The focus is on Reconciling yourself with God.  The way Ms. Hoch (Desmond's teacher) teaches it, when we sin, God does not turn his back on us...we turn our backs on God.  He's still there, waiting.  Still loving.  Always loving.  The sacrament of Reconciliation is the act of acknowledging our poor choices and turning, once again, back to God.

With this in mind, no longer do you sit in front of the priest and regurgitate all your sins.  Apparently now, it's more of a conversation.  What's keeping you from being the best person you can be?  What's on your mind and heart that has become a burden?

Kim and Shaundar have also both been part of this journey.  Neither of them are Catholic, but they've both been very active in learning about all these sacraments.  That's been great for me, as well.  For Shaundar to be supportive of something in our son's life that is important for me.  And, for Kim to learn about my faith in a way she's never been exposed to before.

I have yet to go to confession...*cough* sorry...reconciliation with Fr. Jack.  I mentioned to him that I may have to bite the bullet and give it a shot.  He says he looks forward to it (in a very sincere, "I think that's a great idea" way).  But, I'm still terrified.  Again, I'm positive I don't have anything to talk about that he hasn't heard before.  And, I suspect my confession would be much less juicy than others he has heard.  But, the discomfort remains.  Maybe it's pride?  Maybe I should confess that as well?  Who knows.

First Reconciliation happens on Feb. 4.  I have made it a personal goal to attend Reconciliation myself, 1:1 with Fr. Jack, by that time.  Let's see if I pull it off.  If I don't, I guess I will need to confess that I just lied to both of my readers.

Knocking up your wife, the 21st Century Way

A quick disclaimer...this post is LOADED with TMI.  If you don't want to hear about it, best to skip this one.

________________________________________


You may have noticed already, but I am not as young as I used to be.  And, while she is much better looking than I am, Kim is EVEN OLDER! 

So, this whole getting knocked up thing was harder than one might expect.

First of all...baby was always part of the deal when we decided to get married.  While I have been pretty indifferent about more kids (I wasn't planning it, but I also wasn't opposed and I knew if I wanted to remarry it had to be an option), it was always a big thing on Kim's list.  And, while she is an amazing step-mom, we both knew when we got hitched that we needed to plan for a family addition.

What we didn't know was how hard it would be.

We started trying right away after we got married.  Nothing was happening.  But, we figured we would give it some time.

Finally, after a year, we decided to see the doc.  What's going on here? 

Our assumption was that there was something malfunctioning on Kim's side.  Maybe she was too old.  As I mentioned in a previous post, she is considered "geriatric" age in regards to making babies.  Kim went to the doc and got some hormone pill that was supposed to help her conceive.  I don't remember the science behind it.  I just remember that it also tripled the chances of conceiving multiples.  (I would just like to take a moment to thank my Heavenly Father that there is only one heartbeat in there). 

So, Kim's on the drugs and we're still trying (bow-chicka-bow-wow).  Still nothing.

One day, her doctor says to her, "How would your husband feel about getting tested?"

Well, of course that is the most preposterous thing I have ever heard of!  Why do I need to be tested?  I have a healthy kid running around.  My plumbing is fine.  But, I love my wife and we should check all the boxes.  So, of course I will get tested. 

Hey, look...something is wrong with my plumbing.

Wait...what????

Yup...turns out that, even with my little man being totally healthy, brilliant and, you know, existing, my pipes weren't working properly.  I won't give you the details because gross.  But, there you go.

This pretty much means that we can't get pregnant without help.  And by help, I mean medical intervention...not Jason Bateman visiting my house one night while I am out of town. 

If you have ever been curious about one of those "donation" sites looks like, I made you a quick video.  FYI, while this is rated PG, it's still TMI.  So, be prepared. 


tmi post from Jason Pankow on Vimeo.


Sorry for the top to bottom video. Broke my own rule about recording video.  I must have been distracted by the boobs.

An hour later, after they sorted out the lame-ohs, they handed me Styrofoam cup.  Inside was a test tube full of my Micheal Phelps's.  Yes, in a Styrofoam cup.  The idea was that, as we walked our sample from the deposit clinic to the Dr's office (both located in Seattle's First Hill), it wouldn't look too weird.  It would simply look like I was carrying a cup of coffee.  Kim even managed to keep a straight face as I raised my cup in "Good morning" to the passers by or in thanks to the vehicles that yielded to us. 

Anyway...later that day, in the romantic setting of Dr. Oman's exam room, our child was conceived via Intrauterine Insemination.  If you want, you can imagine the romantic music and the mood lighting.  It certainly wasn't a brightly lit room with 4 people and diagrams of lady naughty bits on the walls.

And, that's about it.  2.5 weeks later or so, Kim woke me up before she left for work at some ungodly hour and told me she's pregnant.  I immediately exclaimed "Just 5 more minutes."

We haven't told Jason Bateman, yet.  He'll be sad.

Get ready for round 2

Welp...

We're Facebook official, so I guess it's time to be blog official.

I hearby introduce you to Russell Wilson Aloysius Beastmode Jlaw Francis Pankow.



I should point out, while this is clearly the best name for our baby, Kim hasn't signed off on it, yet.  Heck, we don't even know if baby is a double X or an XY.  What we DO know...is that, come May, we won't be getting sleep, anymore. 

I've been going back to the early days of this blog (back when it was diaryofdadtobe.blogspot.com).  It's been fun to reminisce.  I expect this to be a completely different experience.  I mean, I will have an 8 year old and I am doing this with a new wife!  A wife who will be "geriatric age" when the baby is born.  I mean, I've always know Kim is way older than me (9 whole months), geriatric makes me feel like I'm married to a grandma. 

We are now safely into the 2nd trimester.  Just past 12 weeks.  Dr. says Russell looks great!  We did the blood test for genetic testing last week and are waiting for the results.  This should also tell us what flavor of baby we're having. 

We broke the news to Desmond a couple weeks ago.  I wanted to tell him right away!  If you know me, you know how terrible I am at keeping secrets.  But, we (I) stayed strong!  And, it turns out this was a good thing as Kim was right.  The second Desmond knew, he wanted to spread the word.  We went to the Halloween carnival at school and the first friend Desmond sees, he blurts out, "Did you know my stepmom is pregnant????"

The friend's response, "*blank stare* No."

Desmond: "She is.  She's pregnant!"

Friend: "Cool. *runs back to the carnival festivities.*"

The next week we began receiving congratulatory emails.  Turns out, Desmond broke the news to the class.  In his words, the boys didn't care, but the girls were really excited. 

I am proud to say that I am the best partner ever!  To help Kim out, I have been making sure to get plenty of sleep so I am well rested and able to be awake when the baby arrives.  I have also been helping her prefect her already amazing cooking skills by letting her cook dinner every night so she's ready to feed a larger family in a few months   Finally, I have been doing my best to stay out of her way by playing video games as often as possible leaving her to peace and quiet. 

So, in case you can't tell, everyone is excited.  Kim is excited for everything.  She's wanted her very own baby since she was 5, I think.  Desmond is excited to have a sibling.  I sympathize.  I always wanted a sibling and I am happy for him that he get to experience this.  And me...it's another chance to train a superstar left handed pitcher that will help me retire happy. 

More to come.  I will probably need to reinstate categories like, "When I'm a dad, I promise not to" and the "Baby picture of the day."  We'll see.  But, for now, start saving you money so you can contribute to our baby registry! 

An Open Letter to my son as he starts 2nd Grade

My homie Emily has a blog called Baby in a Bar.  Seriously...just the name tells you she's awesome.

Anyway, she recently posted an open letter to her little man on his first day of Kindergarten.  It's was sweet and mushy and all those things.  You can read it here: http://babyinabar.blogspot.com/2016/09/an-open-letter-to-my-son-on-his-first_24.html

I feel bad for not posting something like that for Desmond when he started Kindergarten.  And, I don't think I blogged about him AT ALL while he was in 1st grade.  So, to make up for it, I give you this post: An Open Letter to My Son As He Starts 2nd Grade.

___________________________

Dear Desmond,

Hey...put down the iPad.  I'm talking to you.  No...actually put it down, don't just look at me for 2 seconds and go back to it.

Ok...Dear Desmond,

Son, you are growing up so fast!  I still remember when you were in preschool.  How we had to buy a special "Bubba" just to keep at school with you for when you were sad.  Remember that?  That's how "Night Time Bubba" and "School Bubba" got their full names.

I also remember...hey...are you listening?  Oh really?  What did I just say, then?  Nope...try again.  See, you weren't listening.  Pay attention!

*Sigh*  I also remember your first day of Kindergarten.  I remember how, once you saw your pal Braden, you were all set.  You didn't need your ol' dad to hang around.  You were ready to...why are you interrupting me?  I'm talking and you're interrupting.  We've talked about this.  Fine...what?

No, you can't turn the iPad back on...I'm talking.  I don't even understand what you're doing.  What's so exciting about watching someone else play video games on YouTube.  Let me finish.

Anyway...now you're in second grade!  This is a big year!  Not only are your reading and math skills improving consistently, but this is the year for First Reconciliation and First Communion at OLG!  I am excited to be with you as you reach these Catholic milestones!  When I was in 2nd Grade....

UGH!  WHAT???  I don't care about what Wyatt said about Communion wine.  I'm trying to be sentimental!  Judas Priest!  Why can't I just tell you a story.

Remember for your 7th birthday how, instead of presents you asked everyone to bring food for the West Seattle Food Bank?  I was so impressed with how....you're looking at the iPad, again.  This isn't gonna happen, is it?

Fine, fine...you go back to your screens...I'm gonna go surf Facebook for a while.  Just remember how much I love you and how proud of you I am.

Love, Dad

Those 5 minutes I thought my kid had been kidnapped.

Yeah...so this happened. 

I was cooking dinner one night.  Kim wasn't home from work yet.  Desmond had finished his homework and had either used up his allotted screen time or lost it.  I don't remember.  Point is, I was making him entertain himself by doing something besides rot his brain in front of 100 consecutive episodes of whatever his TV show of the week is.

Then...I made him mad because I yelled at him.  Actually, it wasn't really yelling AT him.  But, I did yell in his direction which scared him a bit.  He had a large stuffed animal on the couch and was proceeding to climb said stuffed animal.  At one point, I noticed it tipping forward and, in an instant, in my mind's eye, I witnessed him crashing forward, face first, into the coffee table.  That's when I yelled.  AAARGH!  Or something.  It was a loud yell.  I apologized, but it was unconscious as I seriously thought he was about to break his face.

Anyway...he was mad at me. 

So, I am in the kitchen and he is moping around the living room.  Finally, I hear the front door open.  He went outside. 

He does this occasionally.  I don't mind it.  He's outside.  It's a nice neighborhood.  And, I tend to peek out and check on him every 5 mins or so. 

He comes back in, mopes in the kitchen for a bit and leaves again.  This happens another 2 or three times.

Finally, 5 minutes after he mopes his way out of the kitchen and I hear the front door open and close, I go to do my check on him in the front yard.

I don't see him.

Well, maybe he's just up the street a bit.  Our house is on a corner lot and he sometimes goes digging at our fence along the street. 

Nope...not there. 

There is a missing board in the fence.  Maybe he went into the backyard.

Nope. 

At this point, my heart is beating a bit.

"Desmond!" I call.

Nothing.

I start to fast walk to the other side of the house.  Maybe he's exploring along the neighbors yard?

"Desmond!"

Nope.

Now my heart is pounding, but surely he's just hiding cuz he's still mad at me.

"DESMOND!!!" 

Nothing.

Across the street, a new home is being built.  I fast walk over there and ask one of the builders, "Did you see a little blond kid out here?"

"No."

"Shit." 

"DESMOND!!!!!!" 

Still nothing.

"DESMOND!!!!" up the street.

"DESMOND!!!!"  up the cross street.

A woman walking her dog is looking at me, perhaps wondering if she should assist.  Perhaps wondering how I could have lost my kid.

I am sweating.  My heart is beating through my chest.  Holy shit...where is my kid????  Did someone take my kid????

"DESMOND!!!!!  ANSWER ME!!!!"

"WHAT????" comes a high pitched, annoyed voice from behind me.

Desmond is standing in the front door. 

"Where were you???"  I ask, exasperated and relieved beyond description.

"I was upstairs.  I've been yelling "what?" at you!"

All of this lasted maybe 3 minutes.  Maybe 4 tops.  Not a long time at all.  But, I don't think I have ever been so relieved!  Nothing happened.  I had absolutely nothing to worry about, after all.  But, man, did I ever give that kid a big hug when I went back inside. 

I told him I was worried someone took him.  He gave me a hug back.  He didn't seem like he was mad at me anymore, either.  Although, he did ask why I didn't just check upstairs.  Good question. 

Dad of Divas...Dads in the Limelight!

There is a really great dude I follow on Twitter names Chris Lewis.  Chris and his wife are the parents of two girls and he keeps a blog called Dad of Divas! 

One of the features of Chris's blog is a series called "Dad's in the Limelight."  A few months ago, Chris pinged me on Twitter and asked if I would like to be a part of this series.  I was like, "Heck yeah!!!" 

The post went up this weekend!  Go check it out here: http://www.dadofdivas.com/dads-in-the-limelight/dads-limelight-limelightdads-jason-pankow-jpankow-dadchat

Now, it was written a few months ago, so obviously some things have changed.  Like, you know...me getting married and stuff.  Not to mention that Desmond starts the 1st grade next week.  Can you believe it????  First Freakin' Grade!!!

Fun on the Merry-Go-Round thingy

Playground from Jason Pankow on Vimeo.

Why dating a single dad is smart.

I came across this article on the Huffington Post today.


You know...I had a ton of fears about dating after my marriage failed.  After all...I had never really dated before.  Like...ever.  Women are scary, man. 

And, I have a kid to throw into the mix!  While my kid is super awesome and anyone who disagrees is clearly dumb, I understand that children are baggage that some people don't want to have to help carry. 

But, now that I have picked myself up and started to put myself out there a little bit, I came to realize a couple things, and this article helps prove it.  Single dads are awesome!  Well, unless they're jerks.  I'm not talking about dead beat single dads, mind you.  I am talking about involved single dads.  The ones that are ready to show you pictures and also ready to say no to a date because they are spending time that day with Jr.

So ladies...allow me to share with you some of my insights as to why you should date a single dad:

1. We know what it's like to put other people first.  It's kind of necessary when you're trying to stop a tantrum in the middle of the toy aisle.  
2. We've been barfed on and pooped on so there isn't a mess in the world that will gross us out.
3. We are obviously fertile and, with our offspring, you get a preview of how good our genes are.
4. We know how to keep things clean!  Wait...no...that's a total lie.  Sorry.
5. We're always ready to tell you a new joke we learned from our kid!  Like this one: Knock, knock! *who's there?* Toot... *toot who?* I TOOTED!!!  HAHAHAHAHA
6. We're great cuddlers from all the practice we've gotten with our little people.
7. We can cook!  I'm not saying we can cook well, mind you.  But, we can cook!
8. We won't cheat on you because, frankly, where would we even find the time?
9. Your whining won't phase us like it would someone without kids.  Wait...did I say whining?  I meant, we are open to listening to you talk about how hard your day was. 
10. Family is important to us.  We will be just as picky, probably even more, than you are in finding the right person to be with.

So there you go.  The rest of the pond is full of schmucks.  People are just after you for your money.

But, in the single dad pond, you find someone who isn't afraid of commitment, someone who has a proven history of stepping up, and someone who can clean up the plate of anyone who is full.

So...consider a single dad.  Cuz, we're awesome (excluding all dead beat dads, cheating dads, and Alec Baldwin)!

Run Disney and Goofy's Race and a Half Challenge!

Just got back from a vacation to Disney World with my folks and Desi.  Why Disney World, you ask?  Why drop the clams to fly to Florida when Disneyland is much closer.

One word...Goofy's-Race-And-A-Half-Challenge.

See, I have decided to reboot myself in 2013.  It's hard to explain, but I needed to set some kind of goal for myself to kick off the new year and my new life.  I decided that a worthy goal would be to run a marathon.  Last year, I ran my first half marathon in Seattle.  This year, let's up the ante.  But...where should I do this?  A destination marathon would be more inspiring to keep me training and motivated to continue.  But, where to?

That's around the time I heard of RunDisney.  Apparently, Disneyland and Disney World occasionally hold running events at the parks.  This year happened to be the 20th anniversary of the Walt Disney World Marathon.  Sounds awesome!  Sign me up.

Oh...but then I learn about this thing called Goofy's Race and a Half Challenge.  To complete the Goofy, you have to complete the half marathon on Saturday AND the full marathon on Sunday.  Keep in mind, I learned this while sitting at a bar with a buddy getting drunk.  Sounded like a horrible and remarkably stupid thing for someone like me to do.

So...I went ahead and signed up.  Cuz I am stupid.

The race was last weekend.  Let me tell you about it.

It was AWESOME!!!  Now, if you remember my postings from last year, while I was training for the Seattle half, I hate running.  This hasn't changed even though I am running much more frequently then I was then.  I still hate it.  It doesn't feel good.  I can never seem to find that magical zone people talk about.  I just generally don't like it.  However, it happens to be the easiest way to exercise and keep yourself in shape when you are busy working and getting divorced and being a single dad and junk. 

But this race was incredible. 

We arrived on Wednesday.  My parents joined us, which was great as Desi had someone to hang out with while I ran.  On Thursday, we hit the park.  A full day at the Magic Kingdom.  I love this place.  Characters, music, parades, etc.  Yes...I know I am a nerd, but few places make me as happy as Disney.  Marketing genius on their parts.

On Thursday night, because it's my elderly parents favorite restaurant in the world or something, we went to Golden Corral.  Big mistake.  In the wee hours of Friday morning, I was yacking in the toilet.  We didn't do much that day.

Saturday was the first race!  A half marathon through Epcot Center and the Magic Kingdom.  I took it slow because A) I had another 26.2 miles to run the next day and B) there are a shit ton of characters to meet!  I am a sucker for Disney characters.  I am a 35 year old man but I still love to give Mickey, Donald and Goofy a big ol' hug!  The race went well.  I felt good!

Until the next morning when my alarm went off at 4:00 AM.  At that point, I was questioning my judgment.  But, I got up and headed back to Epcot.  The full marathon was harder...obviously.  I was keeping really good pace with a pacer.  I didn't take as many pics for the full because I had to be conscious of my time (they pick you up if you don't keep a certain pace) and the pacer waits for nobody!  I ended up hurting my knee around mile 16 which slowed me down further.  I haven't seen my final time, yet...but I think is was somewhere between 6 and 6:15.  Slow...but, I'll still take it. :-)

As a vacation, it was great!  Desi had a blast!  I had a blast.  My folks (I think even my dad) had a blast!  Would I do it again? Absolutely!  Although, it won't be soon because, everything considered, it wasn't a cheap trip. 

Pics below.  In no particular order because I am too lazy to move them around.  2013 is starting off well, so far!!!

Finish line.

All 3 medals!

High 5 from Goofy.

Running out of the castle during the 1/2

Mom! Phineus and Ferb are hanging out with runners, again!

Arr.

After finishing the half.

Left nut and right nut.

Launchpad McQuack! I love this guy!

Desi and Tigger

Pigglet

Can't get enough of Phineus and Ferb, apparently.  Where's Perry?

He's got good taste.

With my best little fan.

My folks and my kid.

After flirting with Cinderella.

Cool light show on the castle.

Next to Belle, Ariel is my favorite.