Thursday, November 12, 2015

Dear New Co-Workers

Having worked at one company, largely on one team, even, you get to know your coworkers really really well.  Likewise, they get to know you!  They get to know all your quirks as well as all your strengths and weaknesses. 

It struck me recently, as I am getting to know my new team, that my methods may confuse some people.  They may seem odd.  Or, to put it better...they may seem annoying.

You see, I have ADD.  Like, the real ADD.  Not that, "Oh my, I am soooooo ADD" kind of ADD that people like to say they have when they forget to do something or to explain why they talk so much.  My ADD is legit. 

What does this mean?  Well, for one, it means I am almost always moving.  Movement can come in a variety of ways.  It could mean I am getting out of my seat.  It could mean I am bopping to the music I am listening to.  Or, the one that is usually most noticed and certainly most annoying, it could mean my legs are bouncing almost non-stop during meetings.

You see, I am typically able to manage my ADD.  However, I think it requires an outlet.  I believe this outlet comes in the form of constant bouncing or fidgeting.  The good news is...if I am bouncing, it usually means I am paying attention!  If I am not bouncing...well, chances are good that you have lost me and I am actually wondering if snails have a sense of smell. 

Another thing about me...I almost never bring my laptop to meetings.  To some, this may seem like I am unprepared.  But, really...unless I am presenting something, why do I need my laptop at a meeting.  One of my biggest pet peeves at work is when people sit there clicky clacking on their laptops while someone else is talking.  Someone took the time to meet with you and they have information that they think is valuable enough to share and you sit there sending mail, or worse, looking at Facebook. 

Also...I distract easy.  If I have something in my space that can easily pull me away from paying attention to something, you can bet your bottom I will eventually find my way to that thing.  It's not personal...it's just part of who I am.  So, I eliminate the distraction by not bringing my laptop.  I will bring a pad of paper and a pen and that's about it.  Any action items I have will be written on that pad and transferred to my task list later.  Double work?  Maybe...but more efficient in the long run.

Finally...I talk to myself.  I actually didn't realize how much I talk to myself until I took this new job.  I seem to talk to myself quite a bit.  It helps me think.  Maybe I am a schizophrenic.  Point is...I talk to myself.  And, I often have headphones on, so I have no idea how loud I am.  Sorry about that. 

That's all!  Have fun working with me!

Friday, November 6, 2015

Poo Poo Parents Say

I have definitely said at least 90% of these.

There are certain things that I promised I would never say to my kid because I HATED when my parents said them to me.  I think I have broken this promise to myself in most circumstances. 

 

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Those 5 minutes I thought my kid had been kidnapped.

Yeah...so this happened. 

I was cooking dinner one night.  Kim wasn't home from work yet.  Desmond had finished his homework and had either used up his allotted screen time or lost it.  I don't remember.  Point is, I was making him entertain himself by doing something besides rot his brain in front of 100 consecutive episodes of whatever his TV show of the week is.

Then...I made him mad because I yelled at him.  Actually, it wasn't really yelling AT him.  But, I did yell in his direction which scared him a bit.  He had a large stuffed animal on the couch and was proceeding to climb said stuffed animal.  At one point, I noticed it tipping forward and, in an instant, in my mind's eye, I witnessed him crashing forward, face first, into the coffee table.  That's when I yelled.  AAARGH!  Or something.  It was a loud yell.  I apologized, but it was unconscious as I seriously thought he was about to break his face.

Anyway...he was mad at me. 

So, I am in the kitchen and he is moping around the living room.  Finally, I hear the front door open.  He went outside. 

He does this occasionally.  I don't mind it.  He's outside.  It's a nice neighborhood.  And, I tend to peek out and check on him every 5 mins or so. 

He comes back in, mopes in the kitchen for a bit and leaves again.  This happens another 2 or three times.

Finally, 5 minutes after he mopes his way out of the kitchen and I hear the front door open and close, I go to do my check on him in the front yard.

I don't see him.

Well, maybe he's just up the street a bit.  Our house is on a corner lot and he sometimes goes digging at our fence along the street. 

Nope...not there. 

There is a missing board in the fence.  Maybe he went into the backyard.

Nope. 

At this point, my heart is beating a bit.

"Desmond!" I call.

Nothing.

I start to fast walk to the other side of the house.  Maybe he's exploring along the neighbors yard?

"Desmond!"

Nope.

Now my heart is pounding, but surely he's just hiding cuz he's still mad at me.

"DESMOND!!!" 

Nothing.

Across the street, a new home is being built.  I fast walk over there and ask one of the builders, "Did you see a little blond kid out here?"

"No."

"Shit." 

"DESMOND!!!!!!" 

Still nothing.

"DESMOND!!!!" up the street.

"DESMOND!!!!"  up the cross street.

A woman walking her dog is looking at me, perhaps wondering if she should assist.  Perhaps wondering how I could have lost my kid.

I am sweating.  My heart is beating through my chest.  Holy shit...where is my kid????  Did someone take my kid????

"DESMOND!!!!!  ANSWER ME!!!!"

"WHAT????" comes a high pitched, annoyed voice from behind me.

Desmond is standing in the front door. 

"Where were you???"  I ask, exasperated and relieved beyond description.

"I was upstairs.  I've been yelling "what?" at you!"

All of this lasted maybe 3 minutes.  Maybe 4 tops.  Not a long time at all.  But, I don't think I have ever been so relieved!  Nothing happened.  I had absolutely nothing to worry about, after all.  But, man, did I ever give that kid a big hug when I went back inside. 

I told him I was worried someone took him.  He gave me a hug back.  He didn't seem like he was mad at me anymore, either.  Although, he did ask why I didn't just check upstairs.  Good question. 

For anyone that needs to hear this...Parenting is FREAKING hard!

Ok, it's time to get real, folks.   Do you have that friend or that family member that clearly lives the perfect life on Facebook and In...