Monday, November 28, 2016

Names and why we're not telling

While we have some options, we haven't landed on a name, yet.  However, Kim is pretty adamant that we NOT tell anyone until the baby is born.  I am indifferent.  I am more concerned about my inability to keep secrets than I am about not telling people the name.  But, the boss says we we wait.

While I am not as insistent on waiting to tell people, I get why she wants to.  Seems everyone has an opinion on names.  And I mean EVERYONE! 

I still distinctly remember a couple reactions from when Desmond was still cooking. 

One was from my boss, Denise.  Denise was my boss for about 10 straight years.  About 4 years at the point of the story.  So, we're friends.  The conversation went something like this:

Denise: "Have you guys picked a name, yet?"

Me:  "Yes!  We're naming him Desmond!"

Denise: "HAHAHAHA!  Yeah right.  What have you really picked?"

Me: "Really...we picked Desmond."

Denise: "Sure you did.  In a couple more months, you'll tell me the actual name."

Me: "In a couple more months, you're going to be embarrassed."

But, this conversation takes 2nd place to the one that I had with my own mother.  That one went like this:

Me:  "We picked a name!"

Mom: *very excited*  "What is it???"

Me: "We're naming him Desmond!"

Mom: *silence*

Me: *silence*

Mom: *silence*  "Huh.  What were some of your other choices?"

So...I get it. 

We get plenty of suggestions.  We've even gotten passive feedback on our ideas.

Personally, I think we should just blurt the name out and give everyone time to get their judgments out of their systems.  But, Kim wants to wait.  Apparently, it's less likely that someone would second guess a kid's name to his face.

So there you go.  You don't get to know what Russell Wilson's real name is until he shows his face.  Unless I blow the secret...which is entirely possible. 


Update...I actually wrote this post about a week ago.  However, as time goes by I am realizing it is going to be harder and harder for me to actually stick to this.  I suck pretty hard when it comes to keeping secrets like this.

Monday, November 21, 2016

Knocking up your wife, the 21st Century Way

A quick disclaimer...this post is LOADED with TMI.  If you don't want to hear about it, best to skip this one.


You may have noticed already, but I am not as young as I used to be.  And, while she is much better looking than I am, Kim is EVEN OLDER! 

So, this whole getting knocked up thing was harder than one might expect.

First of was always part of the deal when we decided to get married.  While I have been pretty indifferent about more kids (I wasn't planning it, but I also wasn't opposed and I knew if I wanted to remarry it had to be an option), it was always a big thing on Kim's list.  And, while she is an amazing step-mom, we both knew when we got hitched that we needed to plan for a family addition.

What we didn't know was how hard it would be.

We started trying right away after we got married.  Nothing was happening.  But, we figured we would give it some time.

Finally, after a year, we decided to see the doc.  What's going on here? 

Our assumption was that there was something malfunctioning on Kim's side.  Maybe she was too old.  As I mentioned in a previous post, she is considered "geriatric" age in regards to making babies.  Kim went to the doc and got some hormone pill that was supposed to help her conceive.  I don't remember the science behind it.  I just remember that it also tripled the chances of conceiving multiples.  (I would just like to take a moment to thank my Heavenly Father that there is only one heartbeat in there). 

So, Kim's on the drugs and we're still trying (bow-chicka-bow-wow).  Still nothing.

One day, her doctor says to her, "How would your husband feel about getting tested?"

Well, of course that is the most preposterous thing I have ever heard of!  Why do I need to be tested?  I have a healthy kid running around.  My plumbing is fine.  But, I love my wife and we should check all the boxes.  So, of course I will get tested. 

Hey, look...something is wrong with my plumbing.


Yup...turns out that, even with my little man being totally healthy, brilliant and, you know, existing, my pipes weren't working properly.  I won't give you the details because gross.  But, there you go.

This pretty much means that we can't get pregnant without help.  And by help, I mean medical intervention...not Jason Bateman visiting my house one night while I am out of town. 

If you have ever been curious about one of those "donation" sites looks like, I made you a quick video.  FYI, while this is rated PG, it's still TMI.  So, be prepared. 

tmi post from Jason Pankow on Vimeo.

Sorry for the top to bottom video. Broke my own rule about recording video.  I must have been distracted by the boobs.

An hour later, after they sorted out the lame-ohs, they handed me Styrofoam cup.  Inside was a test tube full of my Micheal Phelps's.  Yes, in a Styrofoam cup.  The idea was that, as we walked our sample from the deposit clinic to the Dr's office (both located in Seattle's First Hill), it wouldn't look too weird.  It would simply look like I was carrying a cup of coffee.  Kim even managed to keep a straight face as I raised my cup in "Good morning" to the passers by or in thanks to the vehicles that yielded to us. 

Anyway...later that day, in the romantic setting of Dr. Oman's exam room, our child was conceived via Intrauterine Insemination.  If you want, you can imagine the romantic music and the mood lighting.  It certainly wasn't a brightly lit room with 4 people and diagrams of lady naughty bits on the walls.

And, that's about it.  2.5 weeks later or so, Kim woke me up before she left for work at some ungodly hour and told me she's pregnant.  I immediately exclaimed "Just 5 more minutes."

We haven't told Jason Bateman, yet.  He'll be sad.

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them - Jason's Movie Review

Took the fam to see Fantastic Beasts this weekend! 

I will start by saying that I think this was my favorite "Harry Potter" movie! 

WOW!  That is quite a statement, Jason.  Almost sacrilege. 

Yeah...I thought so to.  But, I think I figured it out.  I had issues with just about every single HP movie.  With the exception of the first one, I had read the books before I had seen the movie.  And, every time, I was annoyed that something was left out or that something was portrayed in a way I didn't like.  Especially in the later movies.

HP 7 being the most egregious.  I mean, they get into practically nothing about the Dumbledore story.  And, where the heck did Harry get that piece or mirror he's hauling around?  And, how did Snape know to find Harry in the Forest of Dean?  Too many plot holes.

Anyway...this movie wasn't constrained by an existing opinion of what it should be.  So, I didn't come out complaining about things I thought should have been different.

That said, it was still a very fun movie!  The effects were great.  The acting was superb (I have not seen Eddie Redmayne in anything yet...but, he was great in this role!) and the story was very enjoyable!

There are some Easter Eggs for us long time Potterphiles.  I won't say what because if you haven't seen it, I want you to get all giddy like I did.  But, even Desmond picked up on a couple. 

There is also an uncredited actor that shows up unexpectedly.  That was fun. :-)

My one complaint...I am over David Yates.  I've never really enjoyed him as a director.  While he's good with the special effects action scenes, I don't think he does anything with the actors.  This was another problem I had with the HP movies, particularly the ones under his direction.  While Daniel Ratcliff definitely grew as an actor, the other 2 never really did anything for me...and Emma Watson seemed to get worse.  I don't think her acting got worse.  However, I wonder if her direction did. 

That's all I got.  I am looking back and realizing that this is a pretty lame review.  But, whatever!  It's my blog! 

Here's the summary...good movie for anyone.  Really good if you miss the magical world of Harry Potter. 

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Baby Picture of the Day - Rebooted!

I did these way back in the beginning of the blog.  Mostly because there were funny or cute baby pictures that I wanted to share.

Or...I wanted to make fun of something.  Today is one of the latter.

Here is your today's BBOTD:

Why, Jason, would you post such a random picture?

Well, allow me to answer that. 

You see, when I gazed at this picture, I had one thought.  In the time that passed between the original picture and the picture of the baby, how the heck did that not realize that this is totally lame?

That's all.  If you have a baby, or are thinking of having a baby, please don't mail me some announcement of you when you were gazing longingly into the mirror imagining your baby.

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Get ready for round 2


We're Facebook official, so I guess it's time to be blog official.

I hearby introduce you to Russell Wilson Aloysius Beastmode Jlaw Francis Pankow.

I should point out, while this is clearly the best name for our baby, Kim hasn't signed off on it, yet.  Heck, we don't even know if baby is a double X or an XY.  What we DO that, come May, we won't be getting sleep, anymore. 

I've been going back to the early days of this blog (back when it was  It's been fun to reminisce.  I expect this to be a completely different experience.  I mean, I will have an 8 year old and I am doing this with a new wife!  A wife who will be "geriatric age" when the baby is born.  I mean, I've always know Kim is way older than me (9 whole months), geriatric makes me feel like I'm married to a grandma. 

We are now safely into the 2nd trimester.  Just past 12 weeks.  Dr. says Russell looks great!  We did the blood test for genetic testing last week and are waiting for the results.  This should also tell us what flavor of baby we're having. 

We broke the news to Desmond a couple weeks ago.  I wanted to tell him right away!  If you know me, you know how terrible I am at keeping secrets.  But, we (I) stayed strong!  And, it turns out this was a good thing as Kim was right.  The second Desmond knew, he wanted to spread the word.  We went to the Halloween carnival at school and the first friend Desmond sees, he blurts out, "Did you know my stepmom is pregnant????"

The friend's response, "*blank stare* No."

Desmond: "She is.  She's pregnant!"

Friend: "Cool. *runs back to the carnival festivities.*"

The next week we began receiving congratulatory emails.  Turns out, Desmond broke the news to the class.  In his words, the boys didn't care, but the girls were really excited. 

I am proud to say that I am the best partner ever!  To help Kim out, I have been making sure to get plenty of sleep so I am well rested and able to be awake when the baby arrives.  I have also been helping her prefect her already amazing cooking skills by letting her cook dinner every night so she's ready to feed a larger family in a few months   Finally, I have been doing my best to stay out of her way by playing video games as often as possible leaving her to peace and quiet. 

So, in case you can't tell, everyone is excited.  Kim is excited for everything.  She's wanted her very own baby since she was 5, I think.  Desmond is excited to have a sibling.  I sympathize.  I always wanted a sibling and I am happy for him that he get to experience this.  And's another chance to train a superstar left handed pitcher that will help me retire happy. 

More to come.  I will probably need to reinstate categories like, "When I'm a dad, I promise not to" and the "Baby picture of the day."  We'll see.  But, for now, start saving you money so you can contribute to our baby registry! 

Thursday, November 10, 2016

How to talk to your kids, by Principal Ramos

Election night through today, I have seen a lot of people on Facebook asking, "How do I tell my kids?" 

Mrs. Ramos, the principal at Desmond's school, offers up the note below, which I would like to share with you because I enjoyed it so much. 

Dear OLG Families,

This week, it has been apparent that our students have absorbed a wide range of feelings regarding this election. We realize that most of them have been exposed to media coverage that can at times be confusing and fraught with tension. They have likely overheard emotionally charged conversations and divisive language. This morning, many families shared that it had been a late night for their whole family, watching election results pour in. We assume and appreciate that you are finding ways that are appropriate for your family to process questions, emotions, and media content related to the election.

As educators, we have been following the news about schools around the country reporting increased fear, aggression and division within their student bodies as the election progressed. For weeks, the question has been posed, "What will happen in the days and weeks following Election Day?" regardless of the results. No matter which way we lean politically, or which candidates we have been behind, I imagine that many of us would consider this election cycle a particularly contentious and unsettling one.

As a Catholic school community, we recognize this as a teachable moment about bringing the light of our faith to our everyday lives. Our OLG mission statement calls us to be "a sacramental community, united and empowered by the Holy Spirit." Through our practice of prayer and reflection, in the work we do to build the essential skills of listening, friendship building, conflict resolution and problem solving, and through our experience as members of a faith community, we are preparing our students to be bearers of the Holy Spirit both within OLG and out in our larger community.

Together, we hope we can instill in our students that in our community and world there is room for diverse viewpoints and that it's important to pray for wisdom and the Holy Spirit's guidance for our leaders. At times of significant transition and intense emotions, it seems especially important to partner in teaching our children to take time to listen deeply, to keep our hearts open, to be kind, to give ourselves time for what grounds us, and to pray. Out of that will come an authentic expression of our best selves in service to the world.

In these post-election days, our students will continue to pick up feelings and attitudes about the election, as it is discussed and processed by those around them, online and in the media. This can be a lot even for adults to digest in a healthy and balanced way. Please let us know if there are ways we can be sensitive to your child's needs, and don't hesitate to talk with Heidi Ehrenberg or any of us on staff.

With blessings and thanks for our OLG community,

Donna Ramos

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Well, that sucked. Now...what to do about it.

Ok, people.  It's over.  Take a deep breath.  Inhale...good.  Now, exhale. Ahhhh.

Better?  No?  Yeah, I didn't think that would work.

But, really.  Here we are.  We have chosen Trump.  Yes, he sucks.  Yes he is a misogynist.  Yes he is a bigot.  Yes, we have picked the asshole that we are ashamed to let our children listen to over the woman with the screechy voice that we hate so much.  And, my family and friends that voted for Trump...I am legitimately ashamed of you.

However, it is what it is.  We now have to deal with it. 

Here are our choices as I see it.

1)  Complain about how this election was chosen by people who hate women/Mexicans/Muslims/whatever and talk about how we're going to move to Canada.  We can discuss the discrepancy between white and non-white votes (because race relations are so awesome already).  We can call each other names and continue to spew the vitriol that has encompassed this entire 2 year long election cycle.


2)  We can take this for what it is and move forward.

Now, when I say move forward, do I mean just stand by and let Trump do what he wants?  Absolutely not!  Our country is a Democratic Republic.  We operate on a system with multiple branches of government, checks and balances and the will of the people.'s time for Congress to DO THEIR FUCKING JOBS!  (Sorry...I try not to drop F-bombs here, but seriously...DO YOUR FUCKING JOBS!!!)  Stop the party based bickering.  Get down to business and legislate.  And, while you're at it, block any bullshit that Trump tries to push through. 

Supreme Court...if Trump tries to shut down the Washington Post because they say things Trump doesn't like...the Supreme Court needs to step up and block that as unconstitutional.  We need to do EVERYTHING to make sure that he does not turn this place into Nazi Germany (this is not hyperbole). 

Clinton have a big job.  It's time to come out of the bubble that Clinton is amazing and saint like and it's impossible that people can't like her.  Because, seriously...she should have won.  And if you think the reason she didn't is simply "sexism" or "racism" or "hatred," then you will find yourself in a very bad place.  Because, while I agree that there are many Trump supporters are sexists/racists/whateverists, that is not why Clinton lost. 

She lost because she's Hillary Clinton.  You can call her the "most qualified" person for the presidency.  But, that doesn't mean people want her to be president.  And, you MUST recognize this if you want to move forward.  People are clearly tired of the political elite.  No more Clintons.  No more Bushes.  Not everyone agrees with you.  And it's time to stop simply labeling those that see things differently as idiots. 

And, Republicans...with this Trump win, I have figured out how you can become a party to be proud of again.  It's simple...don't let him dictate your agenda.  Actively oppose the crap he will inevitably pull.  And, super important...push someone else in 2020 (*cough, not Ted Cruz, cough*). 

All you folks who voted for Trump despite his arrogance, hatred, sexual abuse,'s time for you to prove, now, that you are not assholes.  Oh, sorry...did I offend you?  Well, prove that I am wrong.  When Trump tries to kick out all the Mexicans, when he stands by while children die because he won't let Muslims in the country, and while we listen to more women talk about how he abused them, you show us that you won't let that stand.  When he's impeached after his tax fraud is uncovered or he is found guilty in his rape trial, don't defend him. 

Everyone is freaking out.  You can keep freaking out and talk about how you're moving away.  Or, you can truly be an American and stay here and fight. 

Choose Love!  This can be the catalyst that completely tears us apart. can bring us back together.  Like we were together after 9/11 or like after the Cubs won.  But, we need to come back together.  As the great philosopher Jack Shepard once said..."We can live together, or we can die alone."

America is great!  And, we can stay great...unless we give in to the hate that Trump has spewed. 

This doesn't need to be tragic.  Let's show the world how great America really is.  We can do this!  Together!

I can't NOT chime in on this Supreme Court thing

So, it's no secret on this page that I am rapidly pro-life.  I don't beat around the bush on this topic.  But, what you may not know...