Tuesday, May 1, 2018

Babies in Movie Theaters...DON'T DO IT!

Today is a rant day. 

To say that I was STOKED to see the Avengers this weekend is an understatement.  I haven't only been waiting for this moment since Nick Fury showed up during the credits of Iron Man...I have been waiting for this moment since I first read the Infinity Gauntlet when I was in JR. HIGH SCHOOL!  And, if you didn't know...I'm damn old, man!  As I am reminded with every new coworker who doesn't realize who Eddie Vedder is.

But, I digress. 

As is the case with any Marvel or Star Wars movie, I had my tickets to go opening day!!!

Given that Kim really isn't into anything with lasers, I have no guilt in attending these movies by myself.  In fact, I kind of enjoy the time.  So, I will sneak out after the boys go to sleep, have myself a beer and watch myself a movie.

This particular show started at 9:20 PM.  As in, at night.  When it's dark.  When children are supposed to be asleep.

So, I was particularly surprised when some people walked in with a baby.

No, no...surely this isn't an ACTUAL baby.  Must be a doll.  Or, maybe just a very small adult who likes to be carried around. 

Nope...it's a baby. 

What in the ever loving hell, people??????  Why do you bring your damn baby to the movies?  I can't think of anything more selfish.  I mean, other than that time Rose hogged the board while Jack died.  But, whatever.

Here's the most annoying part.  There were 3 adults in this party.  I assume mom and dad along with a third person.  So, none of these three people took it upon themselves to say, "Hey...maybe I'll go see this tomorrow.  You guys go enjoy it yourselves WITHOUT BRINGING THE BABY!"

But, nope...nobody said that.  They decided to make it a big ol' family event.

Of course, 3 minutes into the movie, the baby started crying.  And, why wouldn't he?  It's a freakin' super hero movie.  It's loud and there are big scary bad guys on the screen.  This is when the parents decided to take the baby out of the theater.

JUST KIDDING!  They didn't do that.  They, instead, continually tried shoving a bottle in the babies mouth.  "shhhhh, shhhhhhh, shhhhh" they would say.

"You are the worst parents," the baby would reply.

A little over an hour into the movie, the baby finally fell asleep.  So...about 11:00, approximately (previews, in case you're checking my math).  One hour into the movie.  During that whole hour, the baby wanted nothing more than to be in bed and I wanted nothing more than to spill my cherry coke on someone's head. 

If I were better at being passive aggressive, I would have said, "Oh, your baby is so cute!  I have one about the same age.  I left him at home!"  But, I didn't.

Seriously, people!  Babies don't belong in movie theatres.  If you can't wait to see the movie, find a sitter.  Or...take turns going.  If you want quality time with your baby in front of the big screen, go to one of those mommy and me screenings that many places have, now.  If you're a single parent...sorry, pal.  This is one of those sacrifices, along with sleep and pooping in private. 

I think the theaters should start charging for the baby.  Seriously...maybe that would discourage some of these idiots. 

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