Thursday, August 21, 2014

Getting Caught is not the same as Coming Out

I frequent the Huffington Post.  It often pushes my buttons because I frequently disagree with what is posted there.  Not always.  Maybe not even most of the time.  But, often.

Here is one of those article that pushes my buttons.

The headline that drew me to the article (not the actual article headline, but the headline of the link that drew me there) was "The Amazing Way This Woman Reacted When Her Husband Came Out as Gay."

Now, to be clear, before I get started, this is not a post about him being gay.  I am 100% pro-gay.  Those of you that know me know this.

This is a post about how it shouldn't matter if he's gay or straight or criss-cross. 

In the article, the wife (they are married with children) discovers that her husband has been carrying on an email relationship with a dude.  She had suspected that he was gay for a year, she says.  These emails confirmed it.  And, it helped them start their new lives together, not as husband and wife, but best friends.

There are a few things that drive me batty in the battle for gay rights (what is a gay right, anyway? Rights are have them or you don't).  One is when they compare the fight to the civil rights movement of the 60s.  Gays are not being forced to use separate drinking fountains.  I will fight for your right to marry, but being restricted to a civil union is not the same as sending gays to the back of the bus.  The other is when I feel like there is a double standard.  This is one of those double standard times.

Would we be writing an article about this if the wife caught him sending romantic mails to another woman?  Would we be talking about how amazing it was that they could start their new life as best friends or would we be calling him an asshole for going behind her back? 

Congratulations!  You came out of the getting caught having an emotional affair.  So HAPPY for you!

I'm not saying we should be writing that article about how this guy is a dick.  However, if we want to enlighten those that oppose rights for LGBT people, then maybe stop pretending that something is touching and amazing and courageous just because it involves someone coming out.  This guy didn't "come out."  He got caught.  And we're congratulating him. 

Nope...not me. 

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